Went out to a bridal show with a friend; ended up drinking at a wing place. Was supposed to be home at 6:30; ended up home 3 hours later. Mom not talking to me now; she thinks I was with HIM, since I went to church with HIM earlier. but I wasn't, was with a g-friend. Doesn't matter, she wont believe me. BAD to be 30 and have to answer to everybody else. Makes me think I should be completely (except for children) alone, so I don't have to listen to anyone else or put anyone down again. Mom was baby-sitting though, so it is my fault, but I was only out drinking, not with HIM at all. Why would I lie on here?? Mom doesn't even know I have this anyway, no one does except 2 people I know...
Anyway, while our drinking, I was being my usual social self and had many men seemingly turn me down (not that I was looking at all) but seemed interested in my friend. It's the kids, I know. I'm having a sad, poor, pity me night now. But who can I blame but myself?? I guess this is the way I've created my life and now I'm here to live alone, at least until then children get older and can make it on their own.
And even then, makes me think there is something wrong with ME and I don't even need to date anyway. Why else would I be dumb enough to be in this spot in the 1st place??
No one even reads this except the 2 people who know about it. What does that say in itself? It's all me man, all me. Just need to accept this and live life as is...
1 comment:
Mikey,
This breaks my heart:) You know I always tell you; I wish you see the woman I see you are. How many of us would kill to look like you? I always loved you; since the first time we meant. You were so open; and welcoming; not the person I was expecting at all. And; we all know that was one of my bad times; and you were my good out of the bad. I; always say something good comes out of something bad; and in that situation it was you; for me. I love you; girl.
Kell
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